Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The Unreality of Loves Reality

The Unreality of Loves Reality

It was like heaven on earth when I first met him
In his eyes I saw the universe everything he was, everything he wasn’t
Everything he could be and everything that he wanted to be

I believed in him, his words rang in my hears like a never heard truth, his words caressed my eardrums like the soft touch of his hands only to make love to me mentally instead of physically.

It will always be like this, we will always be together are the words he said then he assured me by paying me with verbal checks from his lyrical checkbook, I will never leave you, I will never hurt you, are the checks he deposited.

For the first year and a half of payments cleared without problem, now we run into the second year and then the I will never hurt you checks returns “I stood you up”or “I can’t come this weekend”; I will never leave you checks comes back “I can’t do this anymore” All null and void but it’s ok I can pay the overdraft charges, not to damage done to my heart shaped pocketbook.

After a long talk we work things out? Yet, you still do what you do, but you love me right? You said you wouldn’t hurt me again, you never felt the way you feel about me right? I’m the only one for you and you’re the only one for me right? Things will be better when we’re married right? So, now I live in the Unreality of the Love I have for You only it’s the Reality of the Love that I have for you.

I tell myself it’s not a big deal he’s my man and if he loved them more than he loved me he wouldn’t be here for or with me, he wouldn't do the things he does for me, he wouldn’t say the things he says to me, he wouldn’t make the promises that he’s made to me. Right?

So, I’m stuck in the reality of the unreality of love, under the curse of what I perceived Real love is suppose to be. Caught up in my perception of the relationships of my parents, my brothers, & my cousins have or had, which is now my own reality distorted and unreal. Stuck in the cycle of bad relationships living in the Real world of Loves Unreality Reality.

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