Sunday, April 19, 2009

On a serious note......This thing called LOVE

Hey Ladies,

Today I wanted to touch on a life issue that most of us have all or will deal with in our lifetime. Relationships are nice to have and requires a certain amount of work from both parties involved. Without dedication and work from both parties the relationship will ultimately fail. Most think well in a relationship everything needs to be 50/50, straight down the middle, and that is what I call wishful thinking. In every relationship there will be someone who does more than the other in one way or another. Someone may contribute more money than the other, or someone may show more affection than the other. Giving more or less is not wrong if the one who is giving more doesn't have a problem with the other giving less and vice versa.

In order to make a relationship work there are a few things that you must do as a couple. I'm not speaking in terms of just someone you're casually dating, but someone who your making plans to spend your life with or you are spending your life with. I'm a christian so I'll be coming from a christian way of living and even if you're not a christian some of these must do's can apply to you to.

Relationship Must Do's

1. Pray without ceasing, pray together, & pray for each other
I don't care what religion you follow most of them require you to pray/meditate or whatever you may call it. Prayer allows you to make a petition to God for your needs, it's your spiritual phone line between you and God. Say a prayer of thanks everyday when things a right and when things are bad. Praying together brings you and your counterpart closer together. Nothing is more intimate and beautiful than the two of you praying together and for each other. When my mate prays for me it puts a smile on my face because I know he cares & he's going to God humbly without any tough I'm a man stereotypes and he's showing his vulnerable side. If you don't pray together now is the time to do so.

2. Communicate Often
If you don't communicate with your spouse, fiancee, bf or gf. The relationship will not last. Someone will be hurt in the long run about something you or your counterpart didn't say. Never hold in your feelings take time to sit down and talk about the issues each one has in a loving way, never attack the other person.

3. Love Unconditionally
Everyday I tell my boyfriend that I love him & I need him. Not because I'm just all emotional and needy because he needs to hear that come from my mouth and see it in my actions. My love for him comes with no strings attached, meaning I don't love him because of what things he can buy me, what bills he can pay of mine, or what places he can take me. I love him because he adds to my life, he puts balance in my life where I'm unbalanced, he knows how to calm me down, he loves the Lord, he knows how to make me smile, I don't have to hide my true self with him.

4. Fight Fair
Everyday is not peaches & cream and sunny dreams in a relationship. One way or the other you will piss each other off and some problems will be more tough than others, but fight fair.

Never try to fix a problem when you're really mad. I know some of you are like are you serious, but if you are mad and trying to fix a problem your decision making can be distorted by what you're mad about. Take some time to think about the issue and come back, sit down and talk it out. When you're mad you'll say something you don't mean.

Never call names... how can you love and respect someone and call them names!! That's not right at all.

Never hold a person for emotional ransom or blackmail.. What are you talking about MoZaic!!!! What I mean by this is never hold a persons past faults against them. I'm talking about the.... If you loved me you would or wouldn't have done this...If you would or wouldn't have done this don't even have this or that... you still live with yo momma or daddy...if you was a real man/woman then this or that...I'm gonna tell everybody about how you did this or that to me...

Again, how can you play with the emotions and feelings of the person you love. You wouldn't want every time something goes wrong or you try to do something positive and your past issues and faults are brought up against you.

5. Have a forgiving heart

We all make mistakes in our lives and some where someone had to forgive us for what we did. The reason for this post is because of a situation I need to forgive my boyfriend of 4 years about, that for most is unforgivable. Forgiveness starts with obtaining forgiveness with God by repenting for your mistakes. After asking God to forgive you then you must forgive yourself, then forgive the other person. No matter if you're right or wrong.

Forgiveness is not for the other person per-se it really is for you. If you don't forgive a person and every time you see them you get all mad, your stomach clinches, and in your all OOOOOOOHHHHH I can't stand them in your mind. Yet, the person you can't stand can't feel your pain. Why waste your energy on holding a grudge against someone who has probably moved on from the issue. Un-forgiveness will keep you from going to heaven and you step outside of the will of God. I forgive my future husband, we've had some arguments, but this issue takes the cake. It's never been this bad for us and I believe the enemy is just trying to separate us because we are so close to being married. There is not a devil in hell that will keep what God has put together from happening unless we give the enemy room.

Love with all of your heart, but don't let love cloud reality. If there is something wrong in your relationship deal with it and try to work it out and if that doesn't work seek Godly counsel from your pastor, leader, mother in the church, or a seasoned saint who is married. I know your girls got your back, your momma got your back, but sometimes they are not the right people to confide in and their answer may be bias. Never try to just fully go it alone. You need someone who in your corner you can go to when you have a problem.

I Love you Jay

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